My Dying Will

Some might consider this post macabre. Some might consider it funny. For me, it is deadly serious. Not.

When I die, I don’t wish to be a burden to my love ones. So here are some suggestions on what to do:

1. No need for a showing. Folks can visit me later when I’m in a little jar or box. Or you can take me around to go visiting folks.
2. No need for embalming and expensive makeup. I’m dead so there’s no point in trying to make me look like I’m just sleeping. Just dress me in whatever clothes I have lying around, preferably clean clothes; I still have some minimal standards.
3. No need for a nice coffin, get the cheapest you can find. Even a pine box is fine. At that point, comfort is not a concern and I couldn’t care less about what others think. Also, that coffin will be destroyed momentarily.
4. Cremate me. I’ve already left the body and there is no need to purchase real estate (aka, a cemetery plot) for that body. So, just burn me.
5. Put my ashes into an empty jar or box, whatever you have on hand; for example, peanut butter jar, cigar box, etc. If you use a non-airtight box, you might want to put me into a Ziploc bag to avoid accidental spillage. Double-bag me.
6. Stick me on the mantle or in a cabinet until such time as you no longer require evidence of my past physical presence or are just doing spring cleaning.
7. Or bury my ashes in the backyard. Toss my ashes into a lake or the ocean. If you are pressed for time, the toilet is fine. Make sure to flush twice.

There, was that so bad?